The Reverence of Relationships25.May.2015
Whatever situation we find ourselves in all relationships are an opportunity for growth and are all Sacred Contracts.
A relationship, whether it be with parent, child or significant other, will put us in a ‘feeling’ state which is where all our growth occurs.
People come into our lives to teach us about us so all these relationships should be honoured for us to proceed into the next growth evolution of our lives.
Unfortunately we rarely see this in the midst of any pain we have. It is more likely we will project our hurt onto someone else in the hope of diminishing it.
Revenge, resentment and rage are very short term relief painkillers which will often result in an escalation in pain, physical and emotional.
The R’s that I prefer to use are :
Revere the relationship. Obviously relationships cannot be healed if one or both parties are not invested in resurrecting it.
Respect yourself and each other. Fight fair, no name calling, demeaning or derogatory comments. Remembering if you are determined to WIN then the other party has to be the loser. Re-evaluate the importance of that kind of win.
Responsibility for your own feelings. No one can MAKE you feel any way but you always get to choose how you react to any comments or behaviour.
Release the feelings. Whether it be through exercise, journaling, meditation or even EFT (tapping)
Avoid withdrawing, blaming, withholding, assuming and taking things personally.
Some of the most common issues that arise between relationships normally occur through fear. This fear is often a fear of feelings. These being fear of rejection, abandonment, humiliation, shame or embarrassment.
Even when all these guidelines along with good communication are followed sometimes it is not enough. Not all relationships are meant to be forever. Sometimes people are in our lives for a short time to teach us and when the lesson is learnt, they move on.
Sometimes people leave because in their leaving we grow as people. Sometimes it allows us to see that we are attracting a better calibre of person which might be a huge milestone for us.
We don’t always know the bigger picture of why things are happening. Maybe it’s in the grace of acceptance that we can truly find the gift.
It is all a journey, we cannot be expected to see the bigger picture immediately. So we need to be gentle with ourselves through the grieving process, whether this is a loss due to death or breakdown of a relationship.
Often in a newly established relationship many old wounds will resurface which is why it is imperative to own your feelings and do your own inner work. That is the beauty of relationships because living behind walls for fear of getting hurt prevents us from growing emotionally. This can often be the cause of people butting up against each other and thus both retreating. If both parties commit to healing their own wounds, often the relationship can be rekindled in time.
On the other side, some relationships have a firm establishment of commitment very early on which even though they may hit rough patches the thought of not being together outweighs any thoughts of shutting the relationship down.
With the Awakening of a New World, now more than ever before Twin Flames are meeting in this lifetime for a Divine Purpose. Twin flames are two halves of the same soul who often have been each other’s guides up till now. The high vibrational energy they possess together will be what the Earth is needing now. But because they are each other’s mirrors this relationship has to be met with patience and release of ego before they can fully come together. To have a better understanding of the complexity of this relationship please read HERE
Living in a fast paced society where everything is just a click away whether it be fast food, fast cash, instant downloads or instant connection via online dating breeds an inability to wait and have patience and our resistance to waiting is a result of that instant gratification world.
In Sue Monk Kidd’s book, When the Heart Waits, she talks about a monk at the Abbey of Gethsemani who said, ‘Contemplative waiting is consenting to where we really are. People recoil from it because they don’t want to be present to themselves. Such waiting causes a deep existential loneliness to surface, a feeling of being disconnected from oneself and God. At the depths there is fear, fear of the dark chaos with ourselves”
If we can’t be present with ourselves how are we meant to have meaningful relationships? Our resistance to waiting is a belief that we have to make life happen rather than let it unfold.
In the waiting we will face our pain but it won’t be nearly as bad as avoiding it because pain has a way of expanding when it’s ignored.
That is true of people who resist being alone and become serial daters, which is why online dating sites are such a huge commodity.
We will achieve our deepest progress standing still because stillness speaks.
Like a caterpillar in a cocoon going inward not forward grows our wings.
If you think God only leads you beside still waters, think again. God will also lead you beside turbulent waters. If you have the courage to enter, you’ll think you are drowning but actually you are being churned into something new. Just dive in.