Resisting Receiving Reaps Regret17.Jun.2013
I was recently in a bookshop and was drawn to a book called Archetypes by Caroline Myss . I intuitively opened the book asking that it fall on the exact page that I most needed to read. The page opened to the chapter called Caregiver. It was interesting to know that although this archetype has a nurturing and caring disposition, there was a real danger of becoming an enabler and also becoming a crusader to ‘fix’ everything and everyone.
The trap could be that many ‘caregiver‘ archetypes are, not surprisingly, in roles of teaching, healing, nursing, or counselling and could suffer severe burnout if they are not able to balance or understand when this role has become an overwhelm, or it has become an addictive payoff.
Many times as a mother I am sure I donned the Supermum attire and took on every household members chores, emotions, tantrums and tears, only to find myself being anything but a superhero and more like Linda Blair’s character in The Exorcist’ complete with head spinning and frothing at the mouth.
Sounding a little familiar? So what drives people to become martyrs or people pleasers only to resent those very same people or acts down the track?
There are probably a few reasons ranging from the need to control our environment, or the need to be needed, or by helping others is a convenient avoidance strategy to our own issues, or just looking for the recognition or accolade of a job well done that invariably often doesn’t even eventuate.
Whilst all those reasons above could be feasible often for a lot of people, I believe the inability to receive graciously, whether it be a compliment, gift or kind deed is the real culprit.
I think for many of us we have been conditioned to believe we had to earn everything including love, so we may be acquiring it passively through our nurturing and good deeds.
When I was studying my tutor said that when we deprive someone of the opportunity to give, then we are being selfish and are taking all the warm and fuzzies associated with giving, for ourselves. Well wouldn’t that comment just throw a people pleaser into a tailspin??
Before it can become a natural acceptance though there may be a few probing questions that we need to be very honest about to find our true motivators. Understanding your motives is key to finding a balance of giving and receiving in our lives.
The rest becomes the willingness to change thoughts and beliefs and learning to just say thank you. Can’t be that hard can it ?
Might make this my new mantra
Resisting receiving reaps regret