Love and Other Bruises


This article was written in 2012 but the content seemed relevant to share again.

With so many dating sites popping up over the internet and countless singles groups, it would appear fairly safe to say people are finding it a challenge to find love.

How many times have we heard, or even said to ourselves, “There’s no good ones out there or ‘The good ones are already taken’ ?

With divorce on the rise, there are more and more people being put in the recycle bin.  So, is it a question of ‘Someone’s trash is someone else’s treasure?’

Or, if we don’t understand our own individual unmet needs and past emotional issues, we could very well be taking on someone else’s problems by simple Law of Attraction.  Scary thought isn’t it?

So don’t settle for Mr or Miss RIGHT NOW when with a little work we could have the real deal.

Whilst I don’t claim to have all the answers to the Love Game, I can certainly help you understand some of the pitfalls that you may have come across that could explain why so many have been unlucky in love so far.

Firstly, real love won’t be about how attractive we look.  That’s not to say that when we take care of ourselves, mind, body and spirit, that it doesn’t make us feel good, so hence that will send out positive energy.  We may think we are a good person and a have a lot to give a relationship, but if we aren’t feeling the same then the energy isn’t coming through, so firstly look after OURSELVES.

Next, we have to heal the past.  An autopsy on our last relationship is paramount otherwise the new person could very well be paying for the sins of the last.

Guaranteed if we have an unhealed wound, the purpose of the NEW relationship is to, firstly, get you comfortable enough to let your guard down.  Then a bit later down the track it appears that our perfect love just did a complete 180 on us.  True?  Sound familiar?

Having an understanding of energy and law of attraction, it is important to understand that any situation we find ourselves in, positive or negative, can not occur unless some part of us was in alignment with the same energy.

Now, before we pout, it is not saying that it is our fault or that we were deserving of any bad behavior. Put simply, even though we may have been unaware of any fragments of old patterns, the fact that they are still occurring is our proof that we are in alignment with the same vibrational energy.

So, what to do? Recognise that we could be in a time warp of repeating old patterns, don’t beat ourselves up (or the new partner). Recognition is the first step to healing.

I have used this analogy many times, but I think its quite powerful and helps to connect the dots, so I think it bears repeating.

If we had a physical wound that wasn’t healed and someone poked it, understandably we would be very upset and recoil in pain and upset with that person.  The reality is that person did not cause the wound, it was already there.  They just made us aware of it again.

Understanding this concept now gives us a different perspective on our situation. One that we can now share some of the responsibility and thus begin our healing journey.

We have all colluded to our own victimization to set ourselves up for disappointment. Whether it be, ignoring our own instincts, over nurturing to win favour with someone, being fearful that another opportunity may not arise and making hasty decisions, or being impatient for the same reasons.

Contrary to what some may think, taking ownership of our emotional state is not giving in or allowing people to get away with less than appropriate behaviour.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.  When we truly believe that another persons behaviour towards us is either an opportunity for healing or nothing to do with us, the more likely we are to feel at peace with life.

Revenge, resentment, rage and spite are certainly not attractive characteristics that we should want to take with us into the next relationship.

Remember to also look in other relationships that we may not be recognizing that we are giving our power away in. Friends, bosses, work colleagues, parents, children or siblings.

It is highly likely that if we have attracted partners that have treated us a certain way then there will be others. The good news is often when we heal the origin of our hurt all the other people in the present miraculously appear to have had some form of lobotomy.

To be assertive is not aggressive, so be mindful that if we start to do some healing and exert some assertion, that the pendulum doesn’t swing too far the other way.  There is a lot of space in between from doormat to butt kicker.

If love seems to be passing over us then the light may be out in our lighthouse.  To turn our heartlight back on we need to begin to court ourselves first.  Taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually is the key to finding love.  The nice thing is when we commit to do the work the guarantee is that we will find at least ONE love.  That will be YOU.

If we look hard into ourselves we will find that we are exactly what we were looking for




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