Feel it, Own it, Challenge it, Reframe it, Release it13.Sep.2016
There are only two drivers that can motivate or paralyze and that is love and fear.
In any situation that causes us adverse discomfort, there is an opportunity for growth.
Most people when faced with an uncomfortable emotion will make one of three choices or all of them.
- BLAME: OURSELVES OR OTHERS can lead to self-loathing and bitterness
- WITHDRAWING – can lead to depression and apathy
- NUMB AND SUPPRESS – can lead to addictions and health issues.
Within all counselling modalities there is a time to allow a client to vent and then a time to gently steer them towards a solution.
We have become so out of touch with our body’s communication system, physically and emotionally that we run on autopilot and accept physical and emotional discomfort way too readily as the enemy that needs to be silenced, unfortunately often through unhealthy means.
Often retreating seems to be the easiest solution but if we don’t address the underlying feeling it will just show up in another different scenario and obviously it’s more difficult when the person we think is to blame is a family member. After all, they are our greatest teachers, along with intimate relationships.
So what’s the message?
FEEL IT, OWN IT, CHALLENGE IT, REFRAME IT, RELEASE IT.
I saw Oprah live last year and my takeaway message was loud and clear:
The Universe isn’t happening TO you; it’s happening FOR you.
Every wound is an opportunity for growth.
When dirt is thrown on a seedling it finds itself in darkness but it struggles and pushes it way to the surface knowing that the light and sun will nourish and help it to grow.
Everything we do and say is a result of either chasing or retreating from an emotional feeling instead of sitting with it and having patience with ourselves to understand it.
People fear saying I love you, in relationships because it might not be welcomed or returned and there runs a risk of feeling rejected. Maybe the reluctance in saying it is more about holding back on loving oneself.
The definition of self-love is to offer love with no expectation or disappointment that it will be reciprocated. Withholding our feelings based on another’s response is not being in our truth and makes it conditional.
We fear letting down walls because it makes us vulnerable and open for rejection, abandonment or disappointment which is not normally about the present situation.
The things we are often critical of in others is present in ourselves even on a minor scale.
No matter what someone has done to us, there is always a vibrational match to that energy whether it is to show us of a similar trait, or to emphasize the pattern of that emotion showing up again in our life for healing.
No one is doing anything to us without our permission on some level.
Does the healing ever stop? I think we always have situations that can arise that test that theory and I believe we learn how to handle them using the same formula of owning our feelings to navigate through any future scenarios.
When we first learn to drive a car everything seems very daunting and overwhelming but with time and practice we know that there is always an awareness that we have to be present and alert and may need to self-correct, whether it be to lower speed, adjust steering, turn a corner or stop to refuel.
There are no coincidences, only opportunities and lessons that many people believe are just burdens. When we take full responsibility for our feelings, we are free and less likely to hold grudges, feel resentful, disappointed or angry.
We also need to be mindful that when we stop blaming others we don’t turn that blame onto ourselves.
The beliefs and thoughts may have been age appropriate or served a purpose at the time, so it’s just about challenging and re-framing our thoughts without any blame.
Being honest with ourselves about what we are feeling is just giving us a better insight into how we manoeuvre our way through life with fewer and shorter challenges.
When we are no longer tied up in others approvals and behaviours we are rewarded with higher energy and health.